Spring Cleaning

It's funny that when I first gave college a go round I was a totally different person. Kind, giving, studious, compassionate. Now, my edges have hardened up a bit. I offended people, rubbed their noses in it, swirled it around in my mouth a bit and spit it out into sentences. I've fucked up a lot on my road of life, but I leave the clutter of it behind me. I was really on a path of destruction and I am now trying to change that about my life.

I'm 21. I know that I tend to piss people off with my ruthless behavior. I know that my past experiences made me grow up a little bit faster than I had liked to. I'm so bloody in love I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I have a grave inability to save money. I have a place to live, a dog, a wonderful boyfriend. But sometimes I get so lonely I can hear myself crying.

I am attempting to become a better person. I am trying to curb my spending. I want friends that I don't offend. I want to be able to say what I want instead of faking a facade. I want a little responsiblity. I want to learn how to cook and how to balance a check book. Well, at least learn what catering company to call and at least look interested when Billy discusses finances with me.
I want a life that maybe for once I can call my own.

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The dog is sick. I think perhaps tomorrow he will need to go see the vet. I have an outline to do and brackets to fill out. I haven't the faintest idea how I am going to get home from class tomorrow. Surely, not public transportation? I desperately need a pedicure and a tan. My stylist has been calling me for the past 5 days and I have been avoiding her like the plague. I think there is a possibility I may have a heart attack if I don't get a new handbag soon, but I am trying to curb my spending, so last season's coach bag will suffice for now. I am also beginning to think a bout of amoebic dysentary or a parasite would do my body good.

I'm starting to overwhelm myself. I think I am going to go lie down.





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