Girls I Don't Like #1

Since I find most 'modern day' females incredibly irritating I have vowed to dedicate postings to their incredible ability to drive me to drink.

Here ya' go served up hot and angry just the way I like it.

Girls I Don't Like #1- Wannabe JAPS

There's something that makes me want to shoot myself in the face when I hear the oh-so-typical Jappy screeches into their flat little phones that generally sit in pockets next to flat asses (sometimes even in FAT asses. Oy Vey!). Now, I love me some Jews, but what is way worse than being mistaken for a JAP (Just because my parents are rich and I have exceptionally great taste does not make me a JAP!) are the 'wannabe JAPS' that seem to be flooding college campuses more and more. I am sure you know the type of girl and guys (yes, guys!) I speak of; if you do not, please seek help because you are suffering from this disease.

The 'wannabe JAPS' can be found in line at the nearest starbucks raving about how like totally awesome their weekend was getting drunk and groped at frat parties. These Tiffany tear drop clad girls can be found waiting in line at the financial aid office because mommy and daddy cannot pay for their education (undergrad, law school, med school, etc.) due to the fact they demanded the entire new Spring line from Burberry. Japs are not to be mistaken for WASPS- at least their green and pink Juiciness volunteer and donate money to better America.

Wannabe JAP guys are seriously in love with wannabe JAP girls. They love couples mani/pedis and taking fluffy little 'Gucci' for walks whilst sipping fat-free lattes. They run away on weekend trips to Boston (capitol of the U.S. for guys on the brink of homosexuality) to get waxed, highlights, bronzed, and pedicures. Trust me, wannabe JAP guys are the evil of the American dating scene.

Although, Jappy type guys are on the scene the role is typically held by girls from age 12-42. Wannabe JAPS have that nasally whine perfected -just like real JAPS! I cannot hold a conversation with them without considering punching them in their ginormous jaws and/or unfortunate faces. Wannabe JAPS are out to pick you apart due to their jealousy and lack of security.

Here is a prime example of why I loathe this type of chicky:

"So, oh my God! I haven’t seen you in like forever *air kiss* so like is that a Chloe bag?"

"Oh yeah. Billy just bought it for me. I love it."

Turns to friend and talks loudly.

"I just huhhaaatte Chloe bags. They are like so terrible and tacky."

"Oh, Wasn't it last weekend when we were all talking about how much we loved them?"

Looks at me in horror and disgust.

"Oh, yeah, well, I decided I didn't like them anymore."

Wannabe JAPS don't need money to be a wannabe JAP. No amount of money will ever rescue her from debilitating insecurity. You can see her insecurity written all over her. She looks you up head to toe praying you don't have on something better than she does. I make these girls unbearably nervous because I know who I am and I am ok with the little flaws. I make them even more nervous if they weigh over 130 lbs. I love calling them out on their insecurities. I'm a bitch and I love it.

These girls are the fair-weather friends that are never around. These are the type of girls who work 24/7 to save up to buy the latest clothes. Just look at her. Always checking compacts, adjusting, lathering on more glittering concoctions from MAC, and fidgeting with her outfit. She always has to have the latest ‘it’ thing. When you hang out she's always flipping open her phone, messaging, looking at pictures of friends -it's her support group for insecurity. They are unable to be comfortable in their skin so they letch onto insecure guys to shower them with constant attention and love. And no matter how much this boyfriend cheats and lies, the girls stay because they cannot bear the thought of being alone.

I get a little wannabe Jappy streak now and then- like my angst over not having a Balenciaga bag. I'm not so much materialistic as much as I adore having nice things. You know- pretty things that brighten your day and mean a little bit more than a rag from Forever 21. My materialism doesn't run my life. I run it. I know who I am even though on the inside I am a little princess. But when I start to feel that Jappiness sneaking up on me, I smile because at least I can speak proper English.