idiosyncrasies

When she gets drunk she brags about herself.
He has an obsession with clean sneakers.
She screams when her dog drools on her, he points and laughs.
He can't walk in front of a mirror without checking himself out.
Her favorite foods are ice cream and soda pop.
He always wears baseball caps.
She cannot sleep with her clothes on.
He insists that she become an NFL cheerleader.
She has an abnormal obsession with the way the house smells. If anyone asks why there is an air freshner in every outlet she pretends like she has no idea how they got there.
She despises bowling and rollerskating. He once claimed to be a childhood bowling champion. She believed him and cried. This went on for several days.
She always reminds people to wear their seatbelts.
He loves talk radio.
She's terrified of open bleachers, frightful that she'll slip and fall through.
He spends as much time as she does in front of the mirror –then denies it when confronted.
She must have two large cups of coffee each morning and then won't do anything until she goes to the bathroom. She'll even be late to school and work.
He is obsessed with the food network.
She hates anything canned.
She cannot sleep on airplanes, even on a twelve-hour flight, with Ambien and champagne.
She only eats the filling of donuts and pies.
He prefers going to the bathroom, in their house, with the door open. He doesn't like to be alone.
She only drinks half the can of the soda before getting a new one. She claims its because she likes soda extra bubbly and cold.
He adores the smell of his cooking. She loves the smell of band-aids, fires, and bars.
She obsesses over body, hand, feet moisturizer, and Kiehl’s lip treatment. She must apply all of the above before bed or she cannot sleep.
She doesn’t believe he’s ever eaten a candy bar.
She doesn’t see the point in spending a lot of money on alcohol. She’d prefer to just spend it on shoes.
He’s obsessed with his television and adjusts the format at least 3 times before he can watch a program. Then adjusts it again at any commercial break or when she sneaks into the kitchen for ice cream.
She washes her hair last when she showers.
He copies her in the shower.
She’s fascinated by fish.
When he gets sick he is worse than a 4 year old.
She can’t sleep without air conditioning – even in the winter.
He insists that she wear dresses/skirts – even in the winter.
She runs in terror and cover her ears if there is ever anything medical on the television.
When he cooks, he makes everything fattening. Even vegetables.
She hates airplanes, but travels by air at least 3 times a year.
Anytime someone applies bug spray she always states – ‘You know they don’t have bugs in Colorado.’
He must hold her hand when they are in any store that doesn’t sell tools and becomes extremely nervous if she wanders more than 3 feet away.
She doesn’t like massages. She finds trips to the shoe department are much more therapeutic.
If he sees any designer product she adores he points, jabs, and then whispers “Look at that/those insert designer product here!” Then smiles as if he has just won a prize.
She has a terrible fear of cockroaches getting into the home.
When he’s nervous his hands shake and he blames it on ‘low blood sugar’.
When she’s nervous she cries about her make-up and throws herself onto the bed in a state of distress. She claims she’s not dramatic.
He belts out every song and pretends to know the words.
If she must sleep out of her own bed it has to be at least a 3 1/2 star hotel or a relative’s house or she refuses to spend the night out.
He only drinks bottled coors light, but only out of a pint glass.

She eats peanut butter with a spoon. She doesn’t think its odd.
He makes everything sound like a spectacular surprise or gift - Even grocery shopping.
She refers to herself as a cunt when she is embarrassed.
He always calculates how much something is going to cost (dinner, groceries, Target trips, etc.) and becomes disappointed when he was over or under by $2. It’s like he just lost a chance at a refrigerator on The Price Is Right.
She is very picky and often demands a lot from wait staff. But she does it in a manner where she pretends like she feels bad for demanding so much.
He always sweeps up the crumbs around him when out at a restaurant. She yells at him and tells him its bad manners.
She drinks at least five cans of soda each day.
He takes his clothes off where he is standing and never puts them in the laundry basket.
She is obsessed with playing music in the jukebox at their favorite bar. She plays all rock and metal with the exception of “Rich Girl” by Hall & Oates –in which she sings along loudly to. She does this all in hopes of pissing everyone off. But pretends like she has no idea what she’s done wrong when the management unplugs the jukebox.
He has anxiety over time and money.
She has anxiety over bugs, men in thongs, and ceiling fans.